The purpose of this blog is to share some of my prayers and thoughts about God and life. I am certainly no expert on any of these topics; I am a pilgrim passing through, absorbing what truths I can, trying to be the person God wants me to be. I hope you will hold my hand and walk beside me as I go.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Thank You, My Faithful God
You had moved away from me.
You had deserted me,
leaving me alone to face the dark threats
an alien world.
You were done with me,
that You had had enough of me,
my pride, my hardheadedness,
my determination to be in control.
find You in the places I looked,
because I saw only what I wanted to see.
I did not
wait and listen for Your Shepherd's voice to call me
and lead me to You.
have enough faith in Your love.
I based Your
love on my experience with fragile, human love,
instead of remembering and
trusting Jesus’ example
of unconditional, sacrificial
love, an in-spite-of love,
which originated with You, Creator
God that You are.
Gracious, Heavenly Father, now I know…
there beside me, in front of me, behind me
all the time I felt troubled, abandoned and lost.
couldn't see You because my eyes were too focused
on solving my own problems and rescuing
from uncomfortable situations with my own
puny, human resources.
see You because I was too busy just being busy,
trying to fix those annoying, bothersome
worries of doubt and despair.
thought You were ignoring me, Lord,
but the truth is—it was I who was ignoring
You with my busyness,
my belief and insistence on my own
powers and abilities.
see You because of my own self-importance and egoism.
Then, in my
futile frustration, I panicked and lowered my defenses.
I forgot to
call on You; I left my spiritual armor
in my closet.
I went out
into a hostile world without the belt of truth around my waist,
without the breastplate of righteousness
across my chest,
without the shoes from the gospel of peace
without my shield of faith, my helmet of
salvation, my sword of the Spirit.
did I ever think I could withstand attacks from the forces of evil?
How did I ever think I could be a worthy
adversary for Satan himself?
Without my spiritual armor, I was
vulnerable and couldn't prevent
him from feeding my insecurities,
my doubts, my unbelief.
didn't rush to You at the first sign of
I didn't go
to You in prayer; nor did I renew my spiritual resources, my spiritual strength by reading and studying Your Holy Word.
I didn't go
to my prayer journal to pour out my confessions to You.
But You, O
Lord, You did not leave me; I know You will never leave me.
always love me, protect me, and lift me up when I come to You.
Still, I must
remember that I freely decide whether or not I come to You.
When You made me, You gave me
the awesome gift of free choice;
You gave me
the right to decide if I want to surrender my will to Yours,
and allow You to rule my heart and my life.
will I ever learn that I will never have inner peace
until I let You be the Controller of my
until I study and follow Your Word as my
until I let the Holy Spirit work within me,
until I surrender all parts of my being to
for Your patience, Your guidance, Your love.
Teach me to
be the person You created me to be;
Teach me to
bring glory and honor to Your name in all I do.
I am coming to You, Lord; I am coming to You. I give You my life, and I will be Your child and do Your Will.