I Remember My Afflictions and My Wanderings

Lord, I do remember my afflictions and my wanderings.

I have experienced bitter sadness, blackest depression,

     utter despair and futility in my life.

How many times has unwanted, uninvited doubt,

     in myself, in my worth, even in You, Lord.

     seeped into the marrow of my being? 

Even now, that awful gloom will sometimes slip in

     through the doors of my mind

     to whisper loudly ugly, negative thoughts,

     saying I am unworthy, unloved, untalented.

Old insecurities rush in behind the dreaded gloom

     to scream that I am unimportant and worthless,

     and then they would drag me into that awful darkness

     in which depression thrives and reigns.

But, Lord, because of You, I am now more perceptive,

     more prepared to recognize the work of Satan,

     more aware of his strategy,

     his goal to separate my heart from You.

I know the desperation, with which he fights,

     the relentless pursuit to make me

     one of his many conquests.

Because of the knowledge of Your great love for me,

     Satan cannot capture my soul.

Because of the assurance of Your great love for me,

     I will not give up and wallow in self-pity and despair.

Because I know I serve a Risen Savior, 

     I can and I will rejoice,

     and I will keep my eyes on You.

When I am tempted with feelings of insecurity and hopelessness,

     I will write my prayers to You,

     I will come to You in the quietness of the moment,

     I will worship You, I will praise You, I will adore You.

     I will be still and know that You are God!

     I will call on You to fill my heart and soul with Your Holy Spirit.

     I will remember Your faithfulness;

     I will rely on Your strength when I am weak,

     I will remember Your compassion—new every morning.

You are my portion, Lord!!

What more could I ever want?

I thank You for Your love, Your mercy, and Your peace.

(Lamentations 3:19-24)